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Ghosts Be Scary, Yo

We are getting ready to put our house on the market so we can purchase our “forever home” so I’ve been doing a lot of online searches for houses. I really love the old brick farmhouses. I watch Rehab Addict on HGTV like it’s porn. I fantasize about my family living in a great big old house in the country and I have a garden and my goat, Goaty O. So I have been spending a lot of time on Realtor.com looking for this fantasy house. 4 bedrooms, 2+ baths on at least an acre. Oh, and, of course, no ghosts.

Here’s the conundrum: I LOVE old houses and antiques but I hate thinking about the people who used to own them. I know that if I even think about those people, their spirits will immediately arrive at my house to tell me their problems, the greatest of which is being dead. My feelings on ghosts are pretty close to my feelings on kids– if they’re not mine, keep them the fuck away from me.

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